My sister and I grew up in an
extremely emotionally, and physically
violent atmosphere because of
my manic depressive father. It
has been 10 years since he's
passed away but there is so much
damage because of it. There has
never been a wonderful relationship
between my sister and I, and
my mother. I always felt sorry
and protective of her, but now
as I get older it has turned
to rage about not protecting
us and then to add further insult
to injury, she doesn't want to
talk about the past (I've been
in counseling for 2 years), and
she and my sister do not come
to visit me, don't call, and
don't allow me talk to my niece
So, my question is:
how long does the violence
continue and how can I stop
the damage that continues ripping
apart my sister, my mother
Can you refer us to any books?
Your note reminded me of a friend of mine who was abused as a child by her father.
She didn't address it until years after he was dead. Her siblings and her mother
didn't directly deny what she was saying, but they couldn't comprehend why she
wanted to address it. This drove them apart -- her wanting to deal with it and
them in denial.
It's similar to the extent
that it shows that each person
has different ways of dealing
-- and sadly, we can't always
convince them of our way. Hopefully
time can mend some of this
and perhaps things in their
lives might change to the extent
that they can begin to be more
reflective about what happened.
Some people fear that speaking
out is unfair since he can't
defend himself -- but obviously
not everyone feels that way.
I hope that you can find a
way to have a relationship
with your family and then in
time address this crucial element.
Perhaps try to see them without
addressing this, knowing that
you aren't compromising, but that they aren't ready.