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Violence

How can a mother deal with learning that her daughter may have been molested and raped by her boyfriend? How can she repair the relationship with her daughter upon signing the child over to the state temporarily thinking that the daughter was lying? I have grief because of this and have just learned more details tonight. Once I heard them I realized she was lying and things were adding up. I feel like a total loser for signing her over till her father could get her. He was arrested and detained at the time and now everything is making more sense. I am scared I have really screwed up and I have grief over this.

I also have a newborn baby girl with my boyfriend and am dealing with Dept. of Children’s Services. My daughter also believes she was molested by her real father and both of my kids with the father aren't allowed anything but supervised visits with either of us till this is worked out. I also have an OOP with their father and my boyfriend isn't allowed home. I am so scared of life alone as a single parent again since I've been thru it with my 2 oldest children’s father about 3 years back. I am doing everything they want me to do. I just am scared my daughter hates me or we will look at the baby differently now even though we all love her dearly. And how do I explain it to her when she's older? Pray for us.

 

I have a few friends who have been in situations similar to the one you describe and I can say that there is one thing that makes the difference — believing your daughter. In the instances of my friends, those who have had an easier time healing are those where their mothers believed them; those who remain traumatized by the situation — even if it was 30 years ago — are those where their mothers either didn't believe them or didn't in any way act on what their children told them. To a child it feels terrible to be abused — but to experience that and to be disbelieved is what drives you crazy. And also it becomes competitive about whose story its more valid. I think the way to move forward is to assure your children that you believe them and ask them to tell you their story — and of course, act on what they are saying — not make them vulnerable. They need to feel safe — safe about sharing their story with you and also safe in their relationship with you.

Amy