My girlfriend just recently got divorced and her ex will not leave her alone. He threatens her and me, and I want to do the right thing. We are going to have a child together, I was just wondering If you know of anywhere where I can find out information on what steps we need to take to solve this problem. Thank you for your time.

Thanks for your note -- and it's so important that you and your girlfriend have the foresight to take steps now to prevent problems later. As you will see if you look through most of the questions as Ask Amy--many people write to me after so much damage has been done. Not that "pre-planning" always helps, but it does help you to be more in control of your situation before it controls you.

With that said, I suggest that your girlfriend file a restraining order. Especially if you want to have a child and if you two want to settle down. I say that because I worry that the ex might try to take it out on you and any protential child as a way to hurt her. I also suggest that she read Gavin Debecker's book The Gift of Fear, which is almost a bible on protecting yourself and for trusting your instinct. I hope that helps. Good luck to both of you.

—Amy