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Violence

I was raped years ago by my boyfriend in high school. I repressed the memory after having lost the baby. The details are too sordid and very difficult for me to understand. The memory of this rape was brought back when a coworker raped me last year. I was told that it's still considered rape even if you took pleasure in it. Is this true? I've been married for ten years. I didn't even know it wasn't my husband untill it was too late. I got off work at two am and my husband left home at 5 am and my coworker helped himself into my home around 5:10. I tried working with him but found myself leaving for family obligations. Which is a shame because I realy enjoyed working with those people. They were like family. They were all very kind to keep it to themselves. The rape has affected my marriage. So has the memory of the first time. My husband is trying to be understanding. I just don't understand what I'm feeling. - Confused in Ohio

Thank you for your note to FEMINIST.COM and I wish I had a simple answer for you. I know of my own experiences, I am sometimes "comforted" just by knowing that "I'm not the only one." Well, you certainly aren't. I--and thousands of other women--have had similar experiences. The number is estimated at 1 in 4 girls are sexually molested before they reach the age of 18. You are also not alone in repressing the memory. Women who are raped are still too often made to be ashamed of what happened to them, while men who rape are still too often made to be "proud." Repression is like our defense mechanism.....if I forget that it happened, maybe it didn't really?

As for your marriage, I'm glad that your husband is understanding. This may be presumptuous of me, but that is the least that I would expect from him. I'm not a therapist, so I can't tell you "what you are feeling." I can tell you that having corresponded with many women who were raped as children, as young women or as adults...you are not alone in your confusion. Many of the women I have known who have had similar experiences have turned to therapy to help them sort it out. Or at least a group gathering, when you can publically say what happened and what you think you may be feeling. However, there are many not so helpful therapists when it comes to this topic, so maybe ask around about the sympathetic ones in your area.

I wish you lots of luck with this and hope that your know that you are not alone....and you did nothing wrong. Good luck - and thanks for being brave enough to share.

As for your question: "I was told that its still considered rape even if you took pleasure in it. Is this true?"---if you felt like it was rape.....then in my book it was.


Amy

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