Friend Amy,

I am someone who has lived with no solid "gender identity" as a guy for almost 15 years...its mainly because the two major archetypes (the "macho" and the "sensitive/Alan Alda") have both been rejected by most women.. feminists included.

What exactly do feminists mean when they "want their men to be men"? (seems its asking the impossible since we don't know what that is anymore.... unlike my father's age).

Male Citizen #995994-A33

Very good question.....

I think that women are confused about what they want. On the one hand, they do want men to be evolved when it comes to gender -- that is choosing qualities rather than assuming them. But in the end, I think that as much as feminists want their men to be evolved, they are also limited in their imagination -- and choosing two roles obviously shouldn't be a complete range. I think that most women I know want some combination of both -- they want men to be professional successful, that is driven and motivated, not bound to a financial interpretation of success, they want them to be challenging, but not aggressive, they want them to be able to converse about "male" things and not be too much of "one of the girl's," but also understanding of what it means to be a girl. It's different for everyone -- and my guess is that though it sounds cliché, to just be yourself.

Take care,

-- Amy