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Thank you for the letter you wrote here.
I was searching for feminist stripper's
organizations on google because of my confusion.
I am a feminist stripper and I often feel
confused, lost, stressed, lonely, and terrified.
I am pissed at the misogynist judgments
that I am a slut and whore, at which I
defiantly open my legs a little wider.
I am terrified of the feminist judgments
that I am a sell out and that I promote
sexism, at which I agonize and think about
daily, stressing over my impact, trying
to make sure I only take money in clubs
and never pose in magazines that little
girls might see, etc. Any direction that
I turn, I am judged harshly and terribly
and there is no relief for my situation,
no clarity at all. I feel confusion over
knowing that I should certainly be allowed
to make my own decisions with my body and
not be considered disgusting if I am associated
with sex or am a prostitute or stripper.
The other times I wonder if it is really
my choice I make for my body or is really
just influenced by a patriarchal society,
and because of my body image problems,
rebellion against my dad's sexism, rebellion
against a world which told me I had to
close my legs and not have sex, that I
must follow the RULES and be a GOOD girl,
etc. I feel confusion because I see how
the industry is currently sexist but doesn't
have to be, how women do not realize that
not only are the women in clubs not supermodels
but not all of us are sure of what we are
doing there, and that while it may seem
degrading at times to cater to men's wishes,
at other times we are in complete power
and control. Many of the strippers I know
hate men and want to use them and unfortunately
this is the outlet, one which is not ultimately
powerful for women.
I also feel confused
when I see the men who have been hurt by
sexism and the sado-masochist portrayal
of what sex is, and go to the forbidden
zone of being the subjugate in sex, and
play the part of a "woman" and
beg me to hit, punch, kick, and whip them.
Sometimes when I am punching a man, I feel
confused inside, because I think "perhaps
feminists would be happy to see that I
am in control here, I am not being hurt";
then I think "or would they be upset
that I am still doing something for him,
something HE ultimately wants out of me?" I
used to hate every single customer for
being male and being in a place which uses
and ranks women but now I see individual
stories and I can't hate every single customer,
especially when they tell me they know
they are messed up inside. No I do not
like the competition of women selling themselves
to men. I do not like how it uses low income
women and how most of the women I know
are saving for numerous plastic surgeries
because of how we feel about our bodies.
But the strip world is very confusing
and I have very few other choices, with
the amounts of money I need to make for
my goals (which involve helping empower
women, as my every aspiration is to help
women out of stripping and out of pleasing
men instead of themselves - be it in
a strip club, or on the street) and to
help repair the extensive damage and
deformity I did to my body when I had
liposuction at a young age, due to anorexic/BDD
craziness. I really hope one thing: that
feminists will realize that not ALL strippers
are uncaring women who want to be better
than and crush other women, or who like
their position in society. Sure, some
may be, but I am a stripper and I can't
stand those women, I feel they are betrayers,
the enemy.
Each stripper must be taken
individually, and actually this line
in your response made my literally, burst
into tears: "I
think another important distinction is
that you can hate the industry, but not
the women. That's crucial. " This
explains my confusion perfectly, and it
answers why I feel so angry at women who
set up things which subjugate themselves
and other women to men's beauty/sex fantasies,
but why I do not hate the majority of strippers
and women I feel are trapped or who feel
they need to make money or have other issues,
as strippers or prostitutes. Though it
is even hard, I try not to get angry and
judgmental, as this could also easily happen
to me, and I am working hard to simply
explain and walk away, and to empower myself,
get over my body dysmorphia, and get out
of the industry and into something (like
setting up my own business) which I will
not be confused by, which I will KNOW feels
good to me and is empowering to me even
as I age, as well as inspirational to other
women.
Sincerely,
Sar |
