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Thank
you for your note to FEMINIST.COM--and
for taking the time to reach
out. I'm sure there are many
people struggling with similar
issues, but who keep it inside.
This is the worst scenario because
then you feel like you are alone
and the only one. So I'm glad
that you are reaching out--and
hope that you are reassured
that you are not a bad person--nor
is there anything "wrong" with
you. Your mother seems to be
scared of something and is taking
it out on you. For that I am
so sorry--and sure that she
is, too, deep down inside
From what you have described,
it sounds like you were circumcised.
You should know that female
circumcision is very different
from male circumcision. Men
rarely lose any level sexual
pleasure when they are circumcised--and
many women do. There are also
many health-related consequences.
This female circumcision is
very common in different parts
of the world--in many instances
Africa and Muslim countries,
but it does exist in every corner
of the world.
From
what you described, you specifically
had what is know as a Clitoridectomy--which
means that your entire clitoris
was removed and your lips. There
are many health consequences
that can result from this procedure--not
only does this include pain
with intercourse, but it could
also include bleeding, shock,
damage to the fetus, etc.. So
if you find it hard to seek
medical help because of intercourse,
think at least about the basic
health risk. Beyond this information,
all of your other questions
require an expert in this area.
Although I'm not one, I could
try to help put you in touch
with one in your area. If this
is something that you want me
to do, please let me know where
in Germany you live--or what
the closest big city is. I can
also refer some books to you--most
of which you can access at the
FEMINIST.COM bookstore.
I hope that you will write back
if you want to--and that you
will take the time to revisit
a doctor (without your mother).
I also hope that you have friends
who can support you through
this. Let me know if I can help
in any other way and good luck.
—Amy
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