Amy,

Help me please, I am 23 years old and am getting married to my girlfriend of 3 years. We own a house have two dogs and great jobs. Pretty normal people. Except I am about to just give up on this whole wedding. I thought that it was going to be hard but not this hard.

For one thing, we have to go and get married legally in Vermont which is not a problem. It's not having our family and friends there. Don't get me wrong, they are all in support of our marrage. But it's an 18-hour drive from here in VA. And my wedding dress I can't see spending all that money on about 30 mins. And Danielle my fiance she has no clue what she is going to wear, not a dressy girl, but not a tux either. She is Methodist I am Wicca. Can you imagine that ceremony?
Now tell me opposites don't attract!

But things are starting to fall apart the further along I go. I want to go and get married and have a beautiful wedding and reception but I can't do so in being in Vermont away from all of my friends and family. I just want to cry it's so stressful. I can't sleep, Danielle is getting ready for her brother's wedding in march. So she's not helping a lot and doesn't seem interested in the whole thing. Don't get me wrong, she wants to get married -- it's just the planning she's not into.

Please Amy, help me. Anything. The wedding will be in July of 2003. I hope. I wanted this to be the most greatest day of my life thus far. And it seems to be falling apart more and more as the days go by and the date gets closer. If you have any suggestions...

Thanks,

Kelly

Dear Kelly,

Though I'm straight and thus can get married anywhere -- I actually don't want to for all of the reasons you have outlined. I think that you can get married without having a wedding -- you have to figure out what you want out of it.

If it's the commitment, it's likely that you already have that; if it's a public celebration you can do that and not tell people it's not legal; it it's a big party you can do that, too.

Before you lose sight of what you care about and have tradition driving your wedding more than your emotions, I think you should just check in and see what you really want.

—Amy