Hi Amy,

I recently told my best friend that I am bisexual. she doesn't have a problem with this although she says that I can't "really be bisexual" unless I have had an experience with a girl. I am definitely attracted to both male and female. Does my not having had a "sexual" relationship with a girl make me not bisexual or any less bisexual?

I personally think that if I find a person to love and care about and share the same interest, morals, etc., then I don't think that gender has to matter. It is essentially that person's character that makes the difference. Any response would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Eileen

Dear Eileen,

You are certainly right that you can be bisexual even if you haven't "acted on" that bisexuality. The other argument that some people (like John Stoltenberg) have made is that there is no such thing as bisexuality because that does seem to imply sexual acts rather than emotional acts. In many ways, I think that I am bisexual, I have been with men and women (mostly and presently with a man), but I feel equally attracted to men and women and it is based on more than sexual acts. So, for whatever my opinion is worth, I hope that helps and I hope that it at least has some weight with your friend.

Amy