home what'snew resources ask amy news activism antiviolence events marketplace aboutus
Ask a Question!
Meet Amy!
Amy's Resource Guide
Ask Amy Main
Most Asked Questions
Reproductive Rights
Sexual Harassment
Violence Against Women
Women's History

Dear Amy,

A few weeks ago my best friend Juan was over and we were up in my room watching TV. When out of nowhere he starts to kiss me so I asked him what he was doing and to please stop (I told him before that I just didn't like him like that.)

Suddenly he was just on top of me. From there he just raped me. I told him to get off of me and tried pushing him but he was too strong. He didn't stop until I started crying. From there it was like he had just realized what he had done to me and he started to cry apologizing over and over to me. I had nothing to say I expected more from him. He was someone I trusted very much, my best friend. I've thought about reporting it but I decided not to because I forgive him. We talked about it and he says he just didn't know what happened with him. Well, my question to you is am I doing the right thing just forgetting about it and letting him off the hook that easy???




I certainly understand your desire to protect Juan, especially given your friendship. However, I don't think that it serves Juan in the long run to have this situation minimized. You were forgiving, but the next person might not.

Some places have ways to report rapes without pressing charges. I think that you should, at a minimum, explore that. Separate from that, given that you and Juan are still friends, you should also encourage him to seek some help. Those things don't just "happen" -- other people manage to contain themselves and therefore Juan should be able to, too. It sounds like you are doing okay and understand that it wasn't your fault or something that you should feel badly about. Don't shoulder the responsibility that Juan needs to take for himself.

Good luck and please let me know if you have further questions/concerns.

-- Amy

home | what's new | resources | ask amy | news | activism | anti-violence
events | marketplace | about us | e-mail us | join our mailing list

©1995-2002 Feminist.com All rights reserved.