Hello Amy:

Please bare with me, this is a issue that is difficult to put in words. I watch a lot of news, and read many books. I hear about brutal crimes that men commit. In fairness, women also commit crimes, but rarely with the same brutality. I hear about these crimes, and realize most men don’t do these things, but I almost feel embarrassed that individuals in my gender are, at times, doing horrible things. I’m also afraid that many woman believe that men often have the capacity for evil (maybe they do).

I think it might be beneficial if I conducted myself as and individual and concern myself with my own morality. But again, I’m disgusted when I hear about these brutal crimes. Is this insecurity regarding my gender a dysfunctional perception?

Thank you,

Anthony

Dear Anthony,

I think that your feelings are certainly justified. I know that as a white person I feel sad, guilty, etc. every time a heinous crime is committed by a white person against a non-white person. Though I can't deny the instinctual-ness of those feelings, they really aren't well-grounded, as we can't blame an entire race, gender, etc. for what one person does or what people do.

Specific to the man question, I also don't think that people treat men as a monolithic force and thus you fill find more people who want to work with you on these issues than against you. I hope that helps. And just the fact that you are addressing them means that you are leaps ahead of most others.

-- Amy