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Dear Amy,

About four months ago, I went to a party. I was drinking alcohol and I know I must have been very drunk. At the time I had a boyfriend, although we were having problems. I remember talking to a guy who was 23 and I had just turned 19. We worked together and had talked sometimes. I considered him somewhat of a friend, seemed like a nice guy. All I remember is that he told me
that he liked me, and he knew about the problems with my boyfriend (he had a girlfriend too).

Anyway, I was in a car when it all happened. We had sex. I don't remember how I got into the car or anything really happening until the next day and the day after I was reminded by other people who he told we had sex, and how my vaginal area hurt intensly. Also, I was told that many people saw it. I didn't know. Why didn't they stop it? Well, I never really told anyone other than the people who found out because of being at the party or whatever.

Four months later, I had just told my boyfriend of almost 2 years about what happened confessing to cheating. He was very upset but he said, "you were raped." It never really occurred to me until the words were said to me. But I don't know if it was rape because I don't know what my actions were when I was drunk because as I said, I don't really remember a thing. Was I raped? And if I was, is there anything I can do about it?

I was doing underage drinking so I'm not sure if I can actually say it was rape because of my lack of responsibility.

Thank you,




I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Essentially rape is penetration that happens against your will -- from what you have said, it sounds like your experience fits that description.

However, rape is also something that is very speculative, so if you don't feel it, perhaps you have other ways to describe it. Being drunk or not really has no bearing on what happen -- it was still sex against your will and you can't make excuses for why it happened. I hope that helps -- and it sounds like you are still figuring it all out -- talking about it is a good thing and helps to make you realize that you are not alone and what happened isn't your fault.

Take care,

— Amy

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