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Dear Amy,

How do I prevent my son's biological father from coming back into ours lives? I have moved my son across the continent from San Diego to the Carolinas out of desperation when the"father" returned from abandoning us during pregnancy and began his terrorization all over again.

We first moved when my son was 7 months old, with the abuser's written "permission," and the judges having humiliated him in court when I established paternity. We were not comfortable in the South, so my son and I moved after his first birthday to Santa Fe. Over the next two years, the Child Support Enforcement counselors sent us to San Diego two times, each time to accomplish a small mission for them so that they could "get our child support case moving."

The second time we went to San Diego, the abuser and the court personnel pulled strange and destructive games with our lives, altering facts, not allowing documents which proved abuse and abandonment to be admitted so the judge could read them, lawyers doing horrible things, everyone around us telling lies. My little boy ended up being forced to spend three days per week with the violent creep, I spent a few nights in my car and most of that year and a half on stranger's floors, traumatized and unable to get my son and I back home. The people were so evil that they were attempting to give the perpetrator full custody of my son, and he ended up taking my son to an undisclosed location and getting full custody with the decision-making. Since he did not pay any of the support, the other courts finally were enabled to order, and a new lawyer made a deal with him to let us go home if we reduced the support to $250.00.

The new lawyer made some potentially fatal mistakes, however, by miswriting the stipulations I had requested, and the "father" now has the idea that my son will start inter-state visitations next year when he turns eight. This man recently called me at work, and I am shaking and having nightmares. I had these symptoms and ominous portents of danger before going to San Diego the second time, after the CSE advised me to return to file for support there, and I attempted to make them understand the danger. I had nightmares about the father taking my son and lying to authorities who chased me and I tried to get strangers to open their doors and hide my baby and me. It came true. The dreams I am having now are of the perpetrator disabling me and showing up everywhere I turn, no one helping me, and finally the dream ends with the perpetrator breaking my hand and wrist so that I can no longer hold on to my son. I feel that the perpetrator is plotting to ruin and corrupt our lives again now.

Desperate fear and poverty have been destroying my life off and on ever since meeting that animal 11 years ago. Do my son and I have rights? Can he pull the same things over and over again, make claims on my son? Can my son and I ever get out of the financial struggle were in so that we can get this nightmare out of our lives forever?

I am tired of having the true horror minimalized, the accountability not made, the blame going to the victims, and the threat of continued control simply due to the biological link to a child and the mother of that child, and the lack of financial resources to make a change and get our lives back once and for all. Where are the laws that will allow us to live our lives freely? Also, I took on weekend work in order to make rent for a one-bedroom so that my son and I would not have to go through roommate scenes. Now that I have just enough money to cover basic survival, I no longer qualify for financial assistance for after-school care and summer camp!

Assistance for gas/electric bills is now denied even without the extra weekend income! I earned $16,600.00 last year. My parents and all relatives except for one brother are deceased, and I am not interested in relationships. As you can guess, most mothers have help from the family or boyfriends and share expenses, also under-the-table money. They can go to Europe every summer, have their cars given to them, share cost of rent, and have people watch their kids for free, and yet they qualify for assistance while I don't.

Thank you,


Dear Yvette,

I recently learned about Justice for Children, a Texas-based group that takes on child advocacy and/or represents the children, which seems to be the best route since that is the court's priority anyway - i.e. what is in the child's best interest. In your case, hopefully they will understand that both adequate support and supervised visitations or no visitations are in the best interest of your child. This organization is certainly more expert than I, so I suggest that you start there. If they aren't able to help you, certainly write back and I can make other suggestions. I hope that you and your son find the justice that you need and deserve.




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