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Hi Amy,

I was raped at 14, by a psycho "friend" who was sent to jail for four years. Back then, I didn't know what to do, so I kept the baby. The baby is now wonderful and I don't regret it. I'm also married to a wonderful man. However, I feel like no rape crisis center can help me, and no one answers me on the boards. There is no one out there that seems to care. I am in one-on-one therapy, but I still need a friend.

Another problem is that the rapist has been writing and phoning since he was put in jail. He is a real psycho and he's threatening to come after me to kill me or something because he wants his kid, and he does really mean it. No one on the boards goes through this because usually your rapist runs away. Do you have any suggestions on where I can find a friend or even another rape victim that kept her kid?

Given up hope,


Dear Hope,

You seem to be in need of two things - one is to take steps now to keep yourself safe in the event that your rapist is released from prison; two, is to get you support so you don't feel alone. Even though your rapist is in prison, he is still clearly posing a threat to you. I hope that you take the letters he has sent to you to the police. There must be some version of a protection order even when he isn't doing so in person. I think this is an important step to take because if he does get released and if he does approach you , you will need to get a restraining order. To do so you have to prove that it is necessary. What you have thus far should be able to prove that.

To the second question - a friend for you...there is a directory of women's services at Feminist.com. You can type in your zip code and be led to resources nearest you. Hopefully a rape crisis center will be nearby. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence has a national hotline, which can put you in touch with resources in your neighborhood -(800) 799-SAFE. These centers often provide rape counseling, too, so they might be able to help. I hope so.

I would also suggest you reference the Feminist.com/V-Day Anti-Violence Resource Guide for more resources and ideas.

Good luck.




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